A Moment of Honesty

(Written Spring 2010)

Sometimes I’m resentful.  There.  I said it.  Well kind of if writing counts, which I think it does.  We’ve never been quite able to do things other families do. 

We had a recent train wreck while attempting to go to church.  I took him to Sunday school.  I thought he would be fine since his favorite person in the world – Kara, AKA KK, was there too.  So Josh and I are sitting in the sanctuary and  hear this loud kid.  I look at Josh,  “Was that Liam?” I whisper.  “Nah,” he says.  Then, “Yeah, maybe.”  So I go look.  Sure enough, there he was in the classroom of 20 or so kids, all the rest sitting in chairs around some tables, he is just standing there yelling.  Not mad or upset, but seemingly unable to be a regular kid like the others.  The “teacher” who was doing a wonderful thing giving her time to the children and thus serving her God, had no idea what to do with him.  So I stayed and sat with him, he kept it together after that. 

We tried again another Sunday, and that was equally disastrous except worse because when we tried to leave – before the service was over – we were parked in.  I cried all the way to Noodles where Josh was taking us for lunch to try to salvage the day.  I feel like I need to be going to church.  But now we can’t because Liam can’t handle it. 

So there.  I said sometimes I feel resentment.  But then I look at this precious boy and I get over it.