Thursday, September 5, 2013

Picture Day

Today is picture day, and Liam was so excited this morning. He only argued only for a minute when I put a shirt on him with a collar and buttons. I asked him how he was going to smile, and he gave me this crazy, exaggerated grin that would scare turn even the saddest person happy. “No, not like that, Liam! A REAL smile! Can you do a real smile?” I asked. General confusion followed. Then I felt bad, because I certainly didn’t mean to steal his joy, and his cheeeezzzy smile is still cute and miles past the blank stare that we used to be so familiar with! I am still learning when to let him be himself and when to try to correct him or guide him in another direction. One thing I know for sure it that I’m happy when he is happy!

Happy picture day! 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

This may be familiar to you...

Good news! I'm published!  Of course, if you're one of the three people that read my ramblings, this will mostly look familiar to you, because its basically a speedy "from then til now" about my boy and the beginning of our journey.
A friend I met through the ABA center has struck out on her own and started this amazing resource: Autism Companion. It is focused on the Indianapolis area, but of course the information and content is universal! It will be available in print and online. I am lucky enough to have played a very tiny role in this, and am excited to see how far it goes!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Next Thing

Liam is officially done with ABA therapy. It's so strage because we worked SO HARD to get it for him, and now we're voluntarily moving on. I'll write about the recent IEP soon, but for now, for the summer, Liam is going to the YMCA day camp that is held at the elementary school where he will be in first grade next year. 

I'm happy to report that he is doing great! Two of the four staff members have experience with kiddos with autism and sensory stuff, and so far there have been no more than eight kids there. EIGHT! There may be as many as ten. I think we lucked out. As a bonus, Liam will be familiar with the school itself by the time August rolls around.

He keeps asking, "Mommy, I work at camp tomorrow?" He's never had a summer break that he can remember.  He'll be working at home, but only if I can keep him awake past dinnertime! Poor kid doesn't know how to handle playing all day.     

The transition is bittersweet, as he had to leave people he knew, loved, and who loved him back. For me too, because of the fear of the unknown.  So far (if two days count) those fears have been unrealized.

I've been so terrified of this change and I'm feeling some relief in the fact that little Liam has not shown a single ounce of fear or nervousness.

Here's to the next thing, and to taking the next breath.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013


I'm sitting here waiting for Liam's van to get here so we can go home.  They are late,  and my mind is wandering.  I've spent what feels like a good portion of the last three years waiting for this van, and it's all over in two and a half weeks.  I can vividly remember being choked up watching the van with "Applied Behavior Center for Autism" painted on the side drive off with Liam. I used to get such crazy mixed up emotions: disbelief that my child could be on that van in the first place,  gratitude that we were able to make it happen for him,  and worry. Always worry. I'm coming full circle now because the van and everything it stands for has become familiar. Comfortable. The gratuitude is still there,  for how far Liam has come. The worry is there too, about the next steps.

That's what life should be about,  though, right? Always taking the next step, even when it's scary.

Monday, May 13, 2013

What should I write?

It’s been a long time. It’s not that I have nothing to write, or that I haven’t thought about it. In fact, if I have a free moment, writing is all I think about, and I’ve started several times. I NEED to write. I have this urge to put things in print so that they become real. It helps me to really flesh out the answers to life’s tricky questions. My problem is this: What should I write? How deep do I go? What will the four people who see this think about my scariest darkest thoughts? The things I’ve wanted to write lately are not the happiest of topics. I’ve been stressed and confused and does anyone really want in on all of that???

I started thinking about why I read the things that I read. Sometimes I read for entertainment, but mostly I’m looking to connect. I want to know that someone else out there has similar struggles, and I want to know what they are doing about it. I want to feel connected and supported. The words I usually get the most out of reading are those that don’t just scratch the surface of something. I want to read the words that dive deep into someone’s thoughts and fears and joys. I want to feel what they are feeling.

So. I made a decision. I will write. It’s mostly for me, but its also for you, if it helps you to know that someone shares your struggles and joys on this journey. If it doesn’t, don’t read it. Please don’t take offense if I write something that you don’t agree with. I don’t write to offend or discourage, but because its for me, I can no longer be concerned about what anyone else will think.

Thank you for your kindness and your grace in allowing me to write freely.