Friday, November 11, 2011

He Has His Momma's Eyes

We had another appointment. This one was for Liam's eyes. When he was one, we made a visit to a pediatric opthomologist because one of his eyes appeared to be turning in. At that time, it was determined that we would keep watching it, but that he should grow out of it. We followed up once several months later, but everything looked good, so that was that. At Liam's last appointment with his neurologist, she suggested that we go back just to verify that everything is still okay since he was beginning to focus more on reading and writing. Also, I am severely nearsighted, and my hubby is nearsighted as well. I've had glasses since I was six, so that had been on my radar as well.

Off we went. Liam did great, even with having to get his eyes dilated. His eyes are physically fine. To no ones surprise, however, he is definitely nearsighted! I guess he has my eyes not only in color, but in this way too. Poor kid!

I was worried that he wouldn't keep them on his face since we have never been able to get him to leave sunglasses on. He struggled for the first couple of days. At some point, though, I think he realized that he can see better with them on. He just keeps taking these things into his stride and keeps going. What a great kid!





Summer is Over?

I can't believe there are Christmas decorations out in stores..its only August...oh wait. It's November. The 11th of November. Yikes. Here are a few pics from our fun summer. Which is apparently over. 

For starters...we got a new puppy. A yellow (although closer to white) lab who we named Milo. This makes three, and Liam is in heaven. 




Liam started riding horses. This is him on Sheba, though he is now mostly riding a lovely fella named Spice.



 Did I mention we got a puppy? 
He makes Sherpa / Mommy happy too! He is currently seven moths old and 70 pounds...



Liam rode his bike in a race. He didn't win, but had FUN!               










Liam discovered waterslides on our vacation to Yellowstone. Six hotels in eight days and he was a trooper!! 



Happy / Sad

Liam is learning about emotions and how do determine how people feel based on their facial expression. He was upset about something the other day and said, "Mommy, I'm SAD." Then he made this face:

Of course I began laughing and couldn't stop.

I asked him to show me happy and I got this:  
This isn't what he looks like when he is actually happy, but it was fun to see his interpretation!

These are things I never anticipated having to teach my child. Nevertheless, it is rewarding to see him learning and growing every day!!

The Dreaded Appointment


(Re: July 2011)

Pediatric dentists want to see babies when the first tooth appears, but the first visit is not  to be completed by the first birthday. They will make sure everything is developing properly and quiz the parents about whether the child is put to bed with his bottle. It also begins to establish a familiarity with the process. Most people, including my dentist, recommend taking a child to the dentist for the first time around age three, because by then he has all of his teeth.

I scheduled an appointment for Liam shortly after his third birthday. We didn’t go. Liam had been sick and was a crank, and I didn’t think that would be the greatest timing. I scheduled another appointment shortly after Liam’s fourth birthday. I had to cancel that one because it was the same day as his early intervention evaluation. Then I was just plain terrified. I was certain that Liam would melt down at the dentist. All of the smells, sounds, lights, tools, and hygienists talking in their best “kid voices” who mean well, but in would freak out my kid in their attempts at being “fun”.

Liam’s fifth birthday went by, and six months of ABA therapy went by. We’ve all learned a lot about sensory inputs and how Liam responds. We’ve had some success desensitizing him in some cases. Fro instance, I can cut his hair in one sitting instead of three. He still doesn’t like it, but he lets me get the job done. I still don’t think I could take him somewhere, but probably wouldn’t anyway!

No five year old should go without a visit to the dentist, especially one whose mother has HORRIBLE teeth. I located a dentist who has experience with autism, and more important, will tailor their approach to make every kid comfortable. I filled out all of the paperwork and told all of Liam’s secrets. I scheduled another appointment – this one we were keeping. No matter what.

I started preparing.

I bought books to read to Liam. We talked about going to the dentist and what would happen. We Googled pictures of people at the dentist so he wouldn’t expect everything to be exactly like Dora’s or Spongebob’s accounts. We practiced opening wide and counting his teeth. We talked about the big chair that moves, the light, the sink, the tools, the sounds, and the new toothbrush at the end. A month later, Liam was excited. We were as ready as possible.

When the long anticipated day finally arrived, we went in and were greeted by a welcoming décor – part tiki hut, part tropical rainforest. We waited only a few minutes and were called back. They led us to a private exam room. Liam explored everything. He pointed to things and told us what everything was and what it was for. The hygienist smiled at me and said, “You’ve been getting ready for this for a while, yes?” Yes. You have no idea. Yes.

Once Liam had adequately checked everything out, the hygienist asked him to climb into the chair. He hopped right up. She moved Liam up and down a few times, then leaned him back. She turned the light on and of and gently angled it so as not to shine it in his eyes. She let him taste the toothpaste and see the spinning toothbrush. She turned on the toothbrush and touched it. He touched it. She didn’t think it was weird that he rubbed his cheek on it. Then she began. She was perfect. She let him call all of the shots, stopping when he needed a break, giggling at how his tongue kept getting in the way. The dentist came in and was equally perfect with Liam.

I was impressed at the ability of the entire staff to be so accommodating, I was certain that this would be a horrible experience and was ready for the daddy of all meltdowns. I was SO relieved that this went so well.

And Liam. LIAM. He was so awesome. I learned that with enough of the right preparation, we can get through anything. 





Tuesday, June 14, 2011

On Kindness

I have expected that it would happen.  I have been preparing myself for it.  I have considered the possibilities.  I have thought about the proper response.  But it has not actually happened…until today.

I know that Liam will get made fun of.  I know that he will be teased.  I know that kids are mean and lots of adults are, too.  I don’t know whether Liam will understand when kids are making fun of him or not.

Today was a beautiful day.  I had left work and was parked at the CVS Pharmacy where I meet Liam’s van every day, waiting for my boy to arrive.  I had the sunroof open, windows down, and was enjoying the five minutes of freedom that I get every day.  I noticed a group of boys, probably high school age, with their bikes, hanging out, also enjoying the nice summer day.

In my rearview mirror, I saw Liam’s van pulling in.  As I reached for the door handle, I stopped cold.  I heard one of the boys say, “Applied Behavior Center for AUTISM?  Oh my god!!”  The entire group then burst out laughing.  I know they weren’t specifically laughing at my boy, or the sweet little girly who rides with him, but they may as well have been. 

Inside, I was SEETHING. I proceeded to get out of the truck and head towards where the van had parked.  The boys were immediately silent.  Once I had retrieved my happy, smiling boy, we headed back towards the truck and towards the boys who were obviously staring and trying to get a good glimpse at what was inside the van.  Liam, in his perfectly sweet and innocent voice said, “The boys ride bikes to CVS.”  I smiled and said, “Yes, Liam, those boys rode their bikes to CVS.  Doesn’t that look like fun?”  I turned the edges of my mouth up, forcing a smile in their direction since I KNEW they had seen and heard our perfect exchange.  I’m certain that my smile was less than genuine.  A year ago, Liam would not have been capable of this “conversation”, and I was SO proud.  As I pulled away, I stole one more glance toward the group (who was still looking at us) and one of the boys gave me a sort of sheepish smile.  

I was so angry and hurt that I didn’t even know how to process what had happened.  I wanted so badly to tell those boys exactly what I thought of their laughter.  I wanted to tell them that they are all very lucky to live where they live and to have what they have and that they don’t have struggles like other children do.  I wanted to tell them that my boy is perfect just how he is and I how glad I am that he isn't a mean boy like them.  I wanted to tell them HOW HARD we have worked to get Liam enrolled in that school and on that van.  I wanted them to know all of the crazy twisted emotions that I feel every time I see the van.  (None of which involve laughter.)  I wanted them to be ashamed and to feel what I felt for one single moment.

I didn’t say any of those things.  I felt sort of sorry for them that they had never learned to be kind to others.  These boys will be men in a few short years and will have families of their own and run businesses and enter government roles.  I truly hope that between now and then they learn a few things about how to live among other people.         

I am so thankful that Liam is still oblivious to these sorts of things.  At this point, he can’t really even express the actual emotions that he feels, let alone respond in a way contrary to how he feels.  I don’t know how to go about teaching him how to respond with love and kindness, even when the feelings inside may not match.  I’m still learning this myself. 

I truly dread the day that Liam figures out that people are not always nice, and they won’t always tell him that he’s doing a great job or that they love him.  He spends his days surrounded by people who love him and who are working hard to bring out the best in him, and I wish that would never have to change.  I know it will, though, and I know it will be hard.  Maybe these boys were there today to begin to prepare me for this part of our journey.    


Monday, May 23, 2011

Thoughts on Temple Grandin’s Talk

I have wanted to go to the Indianapolis Art Museum since I moved here almost ten years ago and I finally got my chance.  But not to see the art exhibits, or the surrounding 100 acres of gardens.  We went to one of a series of talks hosted by the IMA and given by Temple Grandin

Josh and I were lucky enough to obtain tickets (thanks Jane!), dropped Liam off at Ga-Ga and Big Dad’s house, drove to the IMA, and found our seats.  I was really curious to see and hear Temple speak.  I have read a couple of her books and have read a lot about her, but I was still excited to actually see her in person.

She got up on stage and started talking.  I was amazed at how much she had to share.  She certainly could have filled the entire SERIES of talks, and instead had to squeeze what she wanted to say into one measly hour.  I was also struck by the fact that she was funny.  I didn’t expect her to make jokes about autism or people on the spectrum, but she did.  My favorite was her description of the spectrum itself.  She said on one end there were the really severe cases of people who may never speak or have real relationships or be able to hold a job, etc., and on the other end are geeks and nerds.  The way she said it so casually was funny to me.  I have spent the last year or so in some sort of a fog thinking that Liam’s diagnosis was the worst thing that could have happened to him and to us.  Temple doesn’t feel that way at all.  She thinks that the world would be a pretty tragic place to live without the people on the spectrum lending their perspectives.    

She described herself as a visual thinker. She said that she basically has endless amounts of hard drive space in her brain where she stores pictures of everything she has ever seen. They are filed away into categories. When someone says “dog” or “church steeple”, pictures of every dog or church steeple flash through her head, like a Google images search. She said that she can stop on any one photo and it will turn into a movie, playing out possible scenarios. Her knowledge and ability to understand is limited to what she has stored in her files.  Therefore, it is SO important to get these kids out and about and expose them to as much as possible.  We need to build up their little hard drives so they have more to draw from later in life.

At some point, I started taking notes because I didn’t want to forget some of the things she said that I was really struck by:

  1. If you’re going to teach your autistic child to look both ways before crossing the street, teach him to look both ways at ten different streets so he can begin to generalize it. 
  2. Visual thinkers like Temple have bottom up thinking instead of top down thinking like verbal thinkers. They don’t picture the house and then decide what pieces it needs…they think about each individual piece and eventually get to the whole picture. They fixate on details. 
  3. Temple can’t hold one thing in her mind while manipulating another piece of information.  Case in point: If I ask Liam to go get his shoes, then ask him some question, and he answers the question, I shouldn’t expect him to remember that I asked him to get his shoes.  Sometimes I forget this in the morning when we're rushing to get out of the house. Turn off your light! Put on your shoes! Say bye to Daddy! Where's your coat? Paralysis....
  4. Temple was shocked to learn that others didn’t think like her.  Maybe we are approaching this whole thing wrong. Maybe we shouldn’t be trying to “fix” how Liam thinks, rather figuring out how he thinks and approach his education from a direction that he understands!
  5. If visual thinkers and verbal “typical” thinkers work together, amazing successes can be achieved. The two ways of thinking compliment each other and serve to cover all angles of an issue. Imagine a beautiful bridge or building where someone forgot to focus on the details. It could be disaster!

I am still processing so much of what she said that night because SO MUCH of it seemed to apply to my sweet boy. I really saw him from a different angle that night. I have struggled immensely with this diagnosis, but Liam is still Liam, as I’ve said before, and the diagnosis is just a terrifying word. His mind works differently than mine, and my job as his momma and his sherpa in this life is to see things from his perspective.  I always say I wish I could get inside his little head.

Maybe this is a start.
Thanks Temple.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It still gets me...

Sometimes when I am behind Liam's van I still get choked up by a crazy combination of emotions. I still can't believe MY boy is in there, even though its been almost eight months. I still feel extremely fortunate that we are able to give him the absolute best possible thing.

Drive carefully red van, you are carrying precious cargo!!