Eleven

Eleven years ago, I was a young, optimistic twenty year old preparing to marry my best friend.  I knew from the very first day we spent together that I wanted to live this life with him.  We were engaged in a month and married in less than a year.  We like to say that it was probably a crapshoot…but we’re glad we took the risk!!

We loved the time we had as a couple, especially since we hadn’t been together long prior to getting married, and saw each other only on weekends for much of that time. We closed on our house two days before our first anniversary, rescued a couple of dogs, and after four years decided to add to our little family. Planning for a baby with the love of your life might be the most fun a girl can have. We were so excited, planning and dreaming together, talking about names and discussing how we would raise our children, deciding what they might like and do, what we wanted to do the same as and/or differently than our parents had done. It was pure joy sitting together in the heat of the late summer watching our little boy move across my bare belly. 

Looking back on the first half of our marriage, I know that we had it easy. Life was good and we had very few worries. I know we’re lucky; not all couples have that luxury starting out. It allowed us to get to know each other and build a strong foundation. We had no idea how important that would become. Liam, now six, has continued to bring us much joy, but his issues have also been a source of grief, confusion, anger, sadness, regret, guilt, fear, and anxiety. Our plans for life have had to change drastically. 

In our marriage counseling, the pastor told us that my expectations were higher than those of my husband to be. I have never seen that as a source of trouble for us. In fact, I think it helps balance us out because he is able to see things objectively when I am too emotionally involved. On the other hand, sometimes emotion needs to play a role. We bring unique perspectives to each obstacle. The reason that this works instead of causing a rift is because we share a desire to be a team. We know we are better off together. We know there are things that the other is better at, and we let the other person take the lead when we know that is best for the family. There are also times when neither of us knows the answer, or even the direction to travel. It is these time that I know that I am with the exact right person, because we are always able to talk through things and come up with the best plan. Side by side, we keep pushing through, trying to have fun along the way. He told me recently that everyone gets dealt a hand of cards, some good and some bad. It is up to us to decide how to play them. He’s so right. We do the best we can with what we have when it comes to the “bad cards”, and we are thankful for the “good cards”, using them to our full advantage.

There are so many things about him that I respect, appreciate, even NEED that I had never considered in a partner at twenty years old. My love for my hubby is stronger and our friendship is deeper. I believe that happened because over the last eleven years he has proved so many of the vows spoken on that beautiful sunny day to be true. They are no longer merely words spoken by a couple of kids in love; they are unyielding truths that we can depend on.

Eleven. I’m a lucky girl.  :~)

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

Andrew Peterson – Dancing in the Minefields